I didn’t ignore your calls intentionally,
I did not want you to see me crying
Fighting my own demons
I pushed everyone away
I was even afraid of myself
Too afraid that I may direct my anger to you.
Too afraid to tell you my troubles
How were you going to understand my pain, for you had not undergone the same fate?
How was I going to tell you that the love of my love is your boyfriend?
Tell me, my happiness lied in your hands
You were too happy, how was I going to destroy that?
I chose dead for I would not have to see you with him.
Through death meant no more suffering
No more sleepless night
No more cursing underneath
No more fake smile
It is through dead that people I cared will notice my existence
Show love and affection
I look at selfies,
This one I have a genuine smile,
it should be on my cover page
All to see a smile with hidden tears,
Sorrow, regrets and remorse.
I want my eulogy to state my strengths and weaknesses.
My flaws to be listed as part of me.
Sorry mommy I failed, I’m not as perfect as I made you think.
Sorry for parting too much and less studies.
And to my shitty friends, don’t post me with long caption of affection.
You were never there when I was broken, heartbroken.
You snatched my happiness, talked behind my back.
Lord I’m sorry I chose the place of the dead, for the living had no place for me to express my feelings.