For the first time, I wish it was better. I wish you didn’t compare me to him. He’s special, better than I ever was, smarter than I am. More confident and bolder than I am.
But do you know? I ain’t the best, I’m scarred. I walk in a road whose destination I know not. The signs confuse me. My normal doesn’t exist anymore and so just like a fish on land I struggle. I wanna find my way and yet I know not where to start.
I will admit. I am naive, thought it would be okay. That tomorrow I’ll take the first step, that I’ll walk the journey, but do you know? Just like a blind man on the first day I seek the light. I desire for a guide. For one to show me a path.
Did you know? It really hurts. It hurts that I can’t be what you wished I was. It hurts that I’m lost, that I’m a disappointment and so I try. I try again and again like a child and yet I’m scared. The road is dark and desolate. The light seems a million miles away.
For a second I sit and break, I cry and tear apart. With a little hope in my heart, that someday, sooner than later. I’ll find my path
Your words pierce into me. Scars they adorn on me. I’m lost, I got no way to be who you wish I was. To be confident like him, resourceful just like him… I’m just one so scarred that my path I know not.
Do you know? For hours I sit and stare. I watch all of me crack in silence. Just because I know, my future is bleak because I can’t even plan my today.