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“Lagos Sex Escapades” — A Collection of Flash Fiction Stories by Nkechi Analikwu

Of all juicy topics I’ve heard, these perhaps, are the juiciest of them all. I had great laughs hearing all the sweet tales from the sexually active ones among us (as a self-proclaimed virgin, I’m not among, haha!).

Well, buckle your seat belts and hold your phones a bit more tightly…

Tolani 22.

Sis, this man I’ve been talking to for a while came back into the country, and as a sure girl, I deforested, oiled and moisturized the pumpum; packed an overnight bag and used Uber to go to the hotel where he perched. When we got there, man grabbed me and as a sure girl, I grabbed back. I was just kidding and asked for what he got for me.

As this man dipped his hand inside his bag, all manner of iPhones, shoes, and expensive chocolates were in my imagination. But he brought out a Dove soap and a few sweets. Because he came for a visiting day?

I just removed my hand from the already hardening prick and took myself to the door side. Oloriburuku omo ale wanted to use soap and chop me. I just lied that I had my period and took a few dollars home. I later heard that he told my friend that I was owing him money from the dollars because he didn’t cum.

Fear IJGBs!

Raj 25

So, Babcock yeah. I’ve been eyeing this babe since 200L Alpha. She dey do shakara, and I was in love. So one day in the cafe, I “mistakenly” poured hot stew on her skirt, and as usual she slapped me. To be honest, I almost came; the palm was so soft.

So I apologised and offered to sponsor her food for two weeks. She said yes (the babe like food). One thing led to another after a week, and we met ourselves at the back of library. I touched her and she touched me, consent abi? I decided to go down, you know, to check my one week worth of investments.

Omo, what happened next, I can’t remember. When I woke up, I had bandage around my head and I was in the clinic. Till today, I don’t know if we were caught, or if I fell, or if a sniff of my investment prize broke my skull.

The babe never spoke to me again and I lost about ₦20k. Betnaija treated me better.

Uche 21

Fun times. I was dating a man that resided in Ikorodu. The distance from my place to his would take about three hours to cover, but I’d shuffle that almost every Saturday just for the kak. We’d been having problems sha and I decided to pay him an unexpected visit.

Seriously, I’ve never been as shocked in my life as I was that day. This man was entwined with one babe with serious Sponge Bob wig. A part of me wanted to do the proverbial hot water wash, but I asked myself what Jesus would do. Jesus would wait in the parlour for them.

After a few strenuous minutes, he came out to get water and met me there. I was laughing so uncontrollably because my guy was sweating. Omo, I just went inside, took my stuff and left him prick-in-hand.

Since that day till now, I regret not taking a snapshot of the look on his face. Men will kill you, seriously.

Ibiza 24

One time, this babe that was bugging me and I decided to fulfil our sex bucket list before I left Nigeria. I was majorly interested in the orgy. So she called her friend and I called two of my guys and fixed a date.

On the D-day we got high, very high. Soon everyone was naked and our porn hub started. Few minutes into the show, her friend started to cry, I mean, serious crying. We didn’t know what to do. If na me, I for chase am commot for the room, but the babe I knew disentangled herself from my member and went to comfort her friend. We were just staring at them in their ụmụada meeting. My guys and I, standing fully naked with our akpa amụ now severely shrivelled just stared. I’ve never been so embarrassed.

She stopped crying and her friend took her home. I blocked her number immediately she left the room.

Gogo 23

Last year, I went to spend the summer holidays with my cousins, they’re way older. I was a virgin sha. So one hot Friday, I determinedly told them I wanted to knack. One of them hooked me up with this pretty girl, also older. She was coming in a few hours and I wasn’t ready. I just cleaned up, did a few press-ups, watched some Mia too.

She did come, and headed straight to my room. I remember my guys pushing me upstairs, I was terrified but mans gat buff up. I entered the room and she was gloriously nude. She took my hands and touched her breasts. I kid you not, I’m sure I peed. We continued and before I knew it I heard a squeal. It was me. It was over and I didn’t even get to base two. Shit, never again.

Abi I should’ve done more press-ups? I’m sha sure she told my cousins. I’m not visiting this year.

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