Comedy and HumourNaija Stories

Last Night

It was the sky and ground’s holy solemnization few hours ago. The sky almost kissed the ground but the ground was such a shy person; the kiss was suspended. I am quite optimistic that the ground would soon bear fruits of their union because the sky himself would be watering the seeds of the ground for the next few months.

I don’t sleep until minutes after midnight but it changed few hours ago—change they say, is a constant thing—I was entertained at the sky and ground’s holy solemnization. What happens after being filled? Sleep comes in quickly with its drowsy limbs and takes whatever is in your own limbs until you wake up to eventually find them loosely hanging around after you must have eaten several early morning lizards—lizards that draw maps of different countries on your face.

Sleep sure took everything in my possession few hours ago, but like a caring friend, she gave me the chance to be entertained again—as if she knew that I loved Netflix. Everything felt like I was in a cinema, it was calm, serene and cozy. I can’t say the location of the cinema but I must confess that wherever it was located—let me say situated—must be fully air-conditioned. I enjoyed each moment with fresh air tickling my skin. I constantly changed position and the view got clearer and mesmerizing.

Then, rat-a-tat started seeping in from the background of the cinema. When it started, I refused to notice it but then, before I knew it, the beat had swallowed the sound from the huge screen in the centre of the cinema. Who does that? The serenity I once praised became distorted. The beat rattled on.

What?!

It came as a shocker—it was as if I had been forced to drink water after munching several walnuts. “But, that same sound used to come from my mini-sized kitchen.” I am always less bothered because I had grown thick skin for that sound from that side. I was so surprised when I heard that same noise from the ceiling, it was like the roof would bid the building goodbye with the noise I heard; in fact, up till the last minute of my discovery, I thought it was the sky’s husky voice trying to assure ground that he loved her and he would do anything to make her fertile. My ears were just playing with me because my mind kept telling my head sane things that were in contradiction to what my ears presented to my head.

No one told me to get up before I did, and saliva was caressing my face. Drowsily, I fetched my torch. What I discovered ought to bag a free session on NatGeo Wild and Discovery Channel. It was a battalion of rats! Who asked them for instrumentals? They were bad instrumentalists and for that rat that beat my ceiling like its life depended on it, it ought to be sent to jail.

I was deprived of my hitch-free ride into the world of cinema. Hardly had I seen three scenes. It was just 2:06 in the morning. Sleep? Never!

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