I’m sorry to everyone who sees this note, I’m sorry because by the time you read this, I’ll be somewhere else. I don’t want it to sound cliché but maybe all suicide notes are meant to sound cliché.
I got to this spot and I couldn’t get out of it; maybe it was because every other thing I did was wrong, or maybe it was because my heart fell on the wrong side of life.
I know I should just go straight to apologizing to everyone I’ve hurt and everyone who’d get hurt by this note; I think they exist, people who care but maybe they don’t show it or maybe not well enough. I’ve learnt to be contented with just my family, I didn’t need friends, I felt they were just gonna betray me or worse.
I’m truly grateful for the family I have, but sometimes it feels like I’ve been spoon-fed well enough that I cannot even stand on my two feet. People learnt to take high jumps but I couldn’t even stand. This was the scariest part of my life, now and forever.
I’m not giving up because I forgot to love or because I forgot the ones who loved me. I’m not giving up because life has been too tough to handle, I’m not giving up because I’m sickle cell and might soon die even without this suicide, I’m not even giving up because of my very awkward and confusing sexual orientation.
Alas, I’m ending it because of what’s next to come, I’m giving up because the only thing scarier than my past is my future. I don’t know if I’ll ever get all I’ve dreamed about but most of me tells me I’m gonna fail; so yes I’m sorry for being so much of a coward to carry my cross myself. I’m sorry that I don’t wanna be the man that ends up failing an entire generation because he never learnt courage.
However, you know what’s funny? I’m a coward yes, but I’m also too curious to give up, I might not succeed after all but at least I won’t be stupid enough to end it. No, I wanna see it unfold, every single temptation and adventure that is encompassed to make my life. I wanna see me fail, I wanna see how I fail and I wanna watch it from the front row seat.
So, giving up is after all cliché, suicide notes are overrated and they should be our motivation not our endgame.
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