How do I explain this feeling
I want to claw at my throat
Something tangible at least
You ask me
Tell me about your emotions,
I obliged,
Telling you the parts
I considered less scary
Picking and sifting,
Like an editor-in-chief
Of an expensive paper
I did natural selection
But, I was not careful enough
Because now you’re far
You thought me abnormal
You ran, just at the tip

The turmoil within
Bubbling with the ferocity
Of an active out of control volcano
oscillating periodically
I thought I was in control
How wrong was I!
Controlled by an unseen force
Threatening to erupt at any moment.
This force,
it has fun at my expense!
Passing my life back and forth
like an emotional game
of ping pong
Going rhythmically at first
Then swaying with the tenacity of a man making love for the first, trying to hit it right.

This turbulence within
I want to clench at my throat
And scream, clawing and cackling like a freshly deranged woman.
If for nothing,
But to release pent up emotions, to feel present.
Licking at the surface
Threatening to spill over
I want to explode in all its destructive glory
But I also want to hold out the movement
Either ways
This vital decision is not mine to make,
I know the answer though
And I don’t like it!
Not one wretched teeny bit!.

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