Your proposal popped up like a whirlwind in a sombering harmattan. Few times after, on a calm sunny afternoon. I effortlessly weaved the memories of how we met…
I met you on the 2nd of June 2018. You were such a unique man fully embroidered with careful speech. You were not quick to tell me how beautiful I looked, but I could see how those comments laced each discussion we had.
During the seminar session we partook in, I saw in you the egoistic spirit of a man. The kind of spirit a man would used in guilding his immediate family at all times. We laughed. We talked. We joked. We learnt.
Yet, all of that, I mean all of that, are in the past now.
Right in my bed, I wish you could see how I still struggle to stop those words from gaining an entrance into my soul. Your romantic proposal which was out of this world has arrested my body, it has arrested my spirit.
Your “please marry me,” were like choppers flying over my head.
I have pinched myself to be doubly sure of what transpired between us, but you were real. You were very real when your signature beard and your pure, sparkling eyes seemed rooted to a spot on one bended knee.
Like the sober feeling I had felt under the Juniper tree on the vast field of Stella Maris college. The words, “I am sorry, I can’t,” still spin effortlessly from my mouth.
My tears were like an open dam and thickened like a freshly made pap. I remembered the jittery tone in your husky voice, when you had asked, “Why?”
“No,” I had said again.
“Why did you say no?” Your question pierced my heart with a strong filter of pain.
Mr Joe, a successful man in his early thirties has got all things—physically academically, materially and spiritual-wise. He was a well-classified man by all standards. In my mind, he was a blessed man beyond measure, but things do not go well with my spirit in that light. I mean there are proposals I received and my inner self would just say no immediately.
It is never as if I am rejecting good things nor am I praying for a poor man, it is just that some things would never align in the future if I were to say a yes. So, it is best I listen to my still small voice.