I have been imagining talking to my crush, Court, all year long. I have imagined loads of scenes where I was talking to him. Scenes where I would be too shy or too confident, but both of which he would still love me all the same. But I did not imagine that I would have to talk to him so soon. Today. I imagined it would be when I joined the choir and became a chorister like him, but this I had been procrastinating.
So today he was not ministering, so he was in the congregation, sitting right next to me. I could ignore him throughout the service but I know I would have to talk to him: at a point our pastor would tell us to welcome our neighbours. It would be a very short encounter—five seconds, at most—but it would be monumental to me. It would be the first time ever I would be talking to him.
We were clapping and sitting down now after the Praise and Worship session (a session where I had been very stiff so Court would not think I danced in an undignified fashion.) A pastor was giving announcements but I could not fully concentrate. Court was too much of a distraction. I checked my phone, biding my time, as if I knew the exact time I would have to speak to him.
But immediately after offerings were taken, which was after Testimony Time, he left.
Oh. He was at the first service but not from the beginning. He heard the word from the first service so he didn’t necessarily have to in the second.
I had a poignant bittersweet feeling as I stared at our pastor telling us to “make more noise for Jesus!” I was grateful because I would listen to the message with rapt attention. I was sad because I did not get the opportunity to speak to him.
Crushes can be torturous. I screamed to the glory of God.