…and prevent me from stabbing myself.
“Dumebim you will be alright, God is surely in control.”
When she got to where I was, she quickly grabbed the hand on which I held the knife and the struggle began. I struggled with her with the agility that baffled us both, then it happened!
I mistakenly pushed my mom down the stairs, she screamed while rolling down the long stairs, I just stood there watching her helplessly, I couldn’t believe what was happening.
Like a planned arrangement dad came in, but it was already too late, blood has started rushing down like a fountain under mom’s legs, her lifeless body in a pool of blood. Dad couldn’t at first believe what he saw, but when it dawned on him that the lifeless body in the pool of blood was his lovely wife, he quickly carried her in his arms with the speed of light and rushed outside, not giving me a glance, in his eyes I saw fear…great fear!
I just stood up the stairs transfixed and filled with shock, the evil spirit pushing me previously was now gone. I came back to my senses and screamed, then all I saw was darkness, I had blacked out.
*** *** *** *** ***
I opened my eyes and smelt a familiar smell, my head was pounding and my eyes were almost coming out of their sockets from numerous tears. I knew I was in my second home, the smell of drugs filled the air. O! How I hate this demeaning smell.
I tried remembering what happened but couldn’t, I kept on trying; then it suddenly dawned on me that I have killed my mother along with my unborn sibling. An unexpected sob escaped from my throat and I shamelessly let it out.
“O! Dumebim, my love you are awake,” my aunt who had been sleeping near my bed said, her face lit up with relief.
“Aunty I killed my mother and my unborn sibling. Aunty I am evil!”I said amidst hot uncontrollable tears.
“No honey you haven’t killed your mother, she is perfectly OK and in good hands. You are nothing near being evil honey.” Her response gave me profound relief, but how can I face my parents if anything happens to their unborn child.
“And my unborn brother?”
She avoided my gaze and stammered, “Ehmm… your…”
“Aunty! Please talk to me!” I shouted, interrupting her with impatience.
“Your mom had a miscarriage, I’m sorry love.”
“I am a killer, I am a killer, I am a killer,” I kept on exclaiming to myself and fainted the second time.
*** *** *** ***
I opened my eyes and found myself in another room, this time around I was on drip. I saw my parents, Aunty Nkiru and Doctor Yussuf all staring at me, worry written all over their faces. I have been unconscious for a week.
“O! Thank You Jesus! She is awake, my angel is awake,” my mom said, jumping all over the room like a teenager, dad was full of smiles, Aunty Nkiru was holding my hands smiling to me and the doctor merely nodded his head, he was equally smiling.
“Mom, dad I’m so sorry for causing you nothing but pains and despair, I never should have come into this world,” I said with hot tears streaming down my face.
“No my love, don’t say such, we hold no grudges against you. Honey we love you so much,” my mom said crying tears of joy.
“My angel, we have always loved you since you we’re born, your anger and hatred for us is justified. We are so sorry for causing you so much pain and agony, we are sorry,”
Daddy said and was equally crying like a child, the scenario was so touching. For the first time I saw him cry, for the first time I saw a man cry.
The hospital room was filled tearful people which made the embarrassed. The doctor excused us. Mom and dad came to join Aunty Nkiru and I, all three of them hugged me and in that moment I realised that love supersedes my sickness. I realise I will remain sick if I don’t get rid of the bitterness that is always lurking inside of me. I realised I loved my family more than anything in the whole world, I realise my sickness is not a factor!