Hope is what drives this world. There was never a day I didn’t hope for the better. I always hoped she would call me someday and tell me she was sorry for making me feel bad. Yes, I had wronged her but I tried to make it right. But I don’t think Hannah sees things from my angle.
Love is crazy; when you really love someone and unfortunately there’s a wall between you, you become crazy, emotionally unstable extremely stupid. I didn’t fall in love, love fell on me. Loving Hannah was never a mistake, the mistake I made was getting close to a female friend, but was that really wrong?
Days were fast escaping my grasp; I didn’t hear any response from Hannah’s mum nor Hannah herself. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I picked my phone to talk to Hannah once again. I dialled her number and she didn’t pick up until the fourth ring.
“Hello, Hannah, how are you doing?” I asked.
“I am doing fine, you?” she asked in return.
“Hannah, I didn’t call to complain today. I’m calling because I wanted to express my grievances. I miss you, I miss you so much. Ever since we’ve been in this situation, I’ve lost the spirit to be happy. I want to you to know that my ego is not greater than the love I have for you. I’ve tried what a man can do to prove his remorse. If not anymore this once, can you please trust me?” I blurted out. There was silence from the other side for some moments before she voiced up.
“First, why do you report me to my mum? Was she there when you were approaching me? Listen, you piss me off with your complaints. I hate people that complain about little things,” she said.
“You call this a little thing? This is my life, this my existence Hannah! How much longer do I need to prove myself?”
“You don’t need to prove yourself to me, and I wouldn’t trust you in a hundred years,” she said.
I tried to control my emotions but I couldn’t stop my voice from breaking and I couldn’t stop the tears either. Hannah meant a lot to me. But mistakes don’t define us. She should know I’m not like this. I was turned into a weak and vulnerable man who succumbs to his feelings. What else could I have done prove my innocence?
“Hannah, listen to what I have to say. I know I don’t mean so much to you anymore and I’ve lost my worth as a man to you. I only want you to know one thing. If I had something to do with the girl, I wouldn’t drop my phone carelessly with you nor pick the calls in your presence or let you have access to my phone but I did because I thought you trusted me. I was wrong, it is you who holds someone faults against them. You’ve held this fault as my bane. You are good at judging but this is not me, this is not who I am. You’ve made me into someone who complains.” I managed to control my voice.
All the minutes I was talking, Hannah kept mute without a word. I thought she would just say something to ease my pain but she did not say a word. I wished she could feel the pains I felt.
I forced myself to talk again. “Can you please say something? Can you please say some words and free me from this pain? Do you still love me? This baffles me a lot, ever since this happened, I don’t know what you feel or how you feel. I am dying!” I didn’t know when I yelled at her over the phone.
She hung up immediately I shouted. I started feeling uneasy. I’ve made her angry again. I thought to myself. I shouldn’t have. I redialled her number again.
“I am sorry for shouting on you, I couldn’t control it. I’m really sorry please don’t be offended,” I pleaded.
“Okay, I’m not. Is that all?” she asked.
“Yes, that’s all, have a nice day,” I said and hung up.
After the call, I didn’t feel at ease. I couldn’t control my super growing temper anymore. I shouted at anyone I came across and I broke things. You see, when you are doing things I’d advice you to be careful about who you associate with or how you get close to people. To Hannah, I was a cheat, I was an ingrate! But deep inside me she’s the one I’ve loved so much.