I’m not a writer, I don’t think I am.
I write because the monsters running wild in my head made me; I have to let them out. He taught me that, yeah, he writes when the emotions are weighing him down. Maybe, if I write about him, if I could confess on my sheet of paper, I could sleep peacefully this night and await Monday. Today is Wednesday, Monday ain’t so far away, right?
I have always been in control of my emotions, I have always been in charge of my love life. I’ve never been in love, not to talk of being in a relationship. I play games. I’m good at it, its always fun and I always win. I am the predator and guys are my prey. If a guy has the qualities I admire, I get him to fall madly in love with me—I have my ways and it always works. When I notice I had gotten him, I step out when he least expects it, leaving him broken-hearted. I am 24, so you can guess the number of hearts I have dealt with.
Yeah…that’s the person I am. I can’t say I’m proud of it but I don’t care. You can call me heartless, I also don’t care. My friends and family usually ask me if I would ever settle down since I can’t stick to one man. My excuse?
“He is too short.”
“He is ugly.”
“He doesn’t have money.”
“He is not my type.”
…and lots more…
Yeah, I know, I am a psycho; you don’t need to sound it into my head. I won’t argue with you because I don’t even care. When I told them that I was a psycho, a little bit psycho; when I sounded the warning, they wouldn’t believe me. I don’t blame them, I had almost won…they were in love with me.
But this time, it didn’t play out as planned. I have been caught in my own web and I’m loosing it. It shouldn’t be this way. I was supposed to come out emotionless.
Let me start from the beginning. I had met him in a restaurant. I was with my girlfriends when he came in. He had caught my attention, not just mine, but a good number of people too had looked. Apart from the fact he was amazingly handsome, he was in a wheelchair and had trouble opening the door. Someone helped him with it. I studied his expression, wanted to know if he was embarrassed, but it wasn’t easy to know what he was feeling. One would say he was used to it.
Right then, I knew I wanted to get closer to him. Not outta pity or admiration, just pure adventure. I wanted to know what dating a man on a wheelchair was like, how the sex was and how hard the heart break would be. You should be curious too about this. Don’t you have adventurer’s blood flowing in you?
If you call me wicked, that’s your cup of ‘yoyo bitters’.
So I excused myself and charged in to conquer my prey. He was a bit cocky, even he was friendly and the introduction was smooth. For the few minutes we talked, I discovered that he wasn’t just different physically, he was different emotionally and the way he viewed life. We exchanged numbers and started chatting on WhatsApp. I would stay online till 3am chatting with him.
I got to know more and one day, I visited him. He did his best to make me comfortable. We talked about a lotta things, and we played Scrabble—let me chip it in that I won. I don’t loose. I don’t accept defeat. And that’s what I’m battling with right now.
Okay back to my story or rather, my life.
The visit became frequent and we had sex. It was good, emotional and sincere. It was different. Everything about him is different.
Before he told me about his feelings, I already knew. I have been in the game too long not to notice when I have played my cards well. It was very obvious that I had caught him in my trap. I was happy about it. Time for heart break.
But then it happened. I discovered that I could not block his number. My fingers seems to have developed a mind of their own. It would just pick up my phone and dial his number or message him. I could not keep these two legs in order any longer. Their destination seem to always end at his place. Even my mind couldn’t find any another thing to think about but him. Him, him, him.
How can I loose control like this? Walk away girl! Skye, this ain’t you! Are you the same girl that played Kenneth, Chima, Obinna, Kelvin, Nedu ( to mention just few)?
To make matters worst, he proposed the day before yesterday and this foolish mouth had almost said “yes” if I had not managed to put my hands over it. I told him to give me a week to think about it.
Right now as I lay on my bed, I’m wondering if I should confess. I would like to marry him. I would like to carry his baby. Snap outta it girl! That means you would loose this game. I can’t loose. I have to get on his nerve. I have to make him say or do things that would make me hate him… make me leave.
You could give me an idea, I mean, that is if you don’t hate me already. And please don’t tell me I need to see a doctor… I am not mad. I just love adventures.