Poetry

What if Jesus Was a Woman?

What if…
Take a minute now to imagine
What if Jesus was a woman
I fancy she would have worn gowns and boot heels
Which would definitely have been the trend by now
She might toughen on the outside but soft on the inside
Naturally she would have problems with the pharisees
And knock words into their head so bad they would want to commit suicide

What if Jesus was a woman
She would have a carry on bag
And be dainty with her looks
She would care very much for personal hygiene
And be careful not to let out a fart among the disciples
Of course she would have many suitors coming to try their luck
But one look from her would silence them
‘Cause she’s the daughter of God

What if Jesus was a woman
She would scream when John the Baptist dips her into the water
And would tell him to watch her curls
And when the dove comes from heaven
She would tell it not to poop on her head
Then give a wide smile, a perfect picture of innocence
And when the pharisees drag the adulteress to her to decide, she would call them shameless and launch the menarscum campaign.

What if Jesus was a woman
She would have added manicure and pedicure to the washing of the disciples legs
And give Judas Iscariot the evil look because he would betray her
She would have born whip lashes but fainted at the nailing on the cross
She would have cried when Peter denied her three times after he promised to stand by her
And before that she would have rather called all the angels to fight for her at the garden of Gethsemane

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