Naked Choices

Shrink: What do you want?

Me: I want a house, money and yeah, some kids.

Shrink: No, what do you want?

laughs out loud

Me: I’ve told you. I want to buy things and take my parents around the world.

laughs

Shrink: What do you want?

Me: Leave me the hell alone. I want to be left alone.

Shrink: Keeks, what do you want? Not them? WHAT DO YOU WANT?

tears up

Shrink: You can cry if you need to. Do not hold it back. WHAT DO YOU WANT KEEKS?

Me: I want alot of things, some of which I might never get. I want to look nice, I want to have friends, I want to smile for real. I want to be able to sleep without fear, I want not to be tormented. I want to cry out the pain, but I can’t it’s here and everywhere else. I want to love but I can’t, it hurts too much. I want to scream but I can’t, it doesn’t come out right. I want a little house with some three kids and a dog. I want a man, you can’t give me that! Now can you? I want to be happy, i just want to be fucking happy.

hands me a wet towel

Shrink: You can go home.

Me: What? That’s it?

Shrink: Only you can give yourself those things.

Me: But…but…

Shrink: See you on Friday.

Me: Please help me. Please

starts picking at the wound on my thigh, it feels good, warm, i move the muscle back and forth in a bid to tear it out, this is good pain

Me: Okay. Never mind.

I get up to leave

Shrink: Ohh my. What is that?

Me: What’s what?

she covers her mouth with her hands. I see a wedding ring

Shrink: You’re bleeding. Ohh my, you’re a cutter. Ohh my, stay put, don’t move.

she picks up her tableside phone, crying and screaming hysterically. Its funny

my leg is trembling now, my eyes roll up in ecstasy as the pain delves into me, its soo good. I feel better. Sweet beautiful pain

some men in uniform rush in and move backwards, why are they so mortified? Then i look to the ground

red liquid, red life, red power, the pain, the numbness, all around me, comforting me, then i fall into it as the world spins around me, last thing i hear is …

Shrink: I swear, I didn’t know she is…is…a cutter…

Moral: The frontpage is not the only page of a book.

Nkechi Analikwu

About Nkechi Analikwu

Nkechi is a lover of life and shows how she sees the world through her works.

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