The Submission

This is a sequel.

This is not an accusation, I made my own choice! Even when my instincts screamed not to, I did, I did it regardless!

I, who chose a 5-minute tumble in the hay over a lifetime of assumed understanding and friendship. I, the one dumb enough to throw away something the world saw as perfect.

All I needed was for you to hate me, hit me, make me feel like the worthless piece of shit that I really am.

All I wanted was for you to tell me you hated me. I am selfish, I am greedy; because I know that in the guilt I'll feel after you cast me aside like a fisherman does unwanted catch I'll also be free.

I died a thousand deaths when you knelt by my bedside, caring for me even after you knew that I scented of another man.

The parts of my face that you stroked felt scalded, they burned. I should never have done this to you, to us but it felt good- I won't lie.

This is my accusation. I was suffocating! Your love was choking me! Your love was a cage and I wanted out!

I begged you to set me free, let me breath!
You were too busy showing me the world that you were never home when I needed you!

I know the whole world is waiting to judge me, I would never live it down for not choosing you, you were the best fit.

I don't expect them to understand, they can only see us from the outside.

They do not lie in your bed, they do not look into your soul through your eyes.

So judge me by all means, let me take all the blame they would not rather, after all, I got caught.

It was love, I do not deny. You were my world. Shit happens!, our love died, although you wouldn't admit, you stopped loving me with your actions, only with your words.

I loved-hated the way you really let me go when I admitted to you... but... there was still no hate... no rage... only pain!

...and now maybe the world can judge me as they please... based on what they see...

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